The relationship we have with our ancestors | Native Heal

There is a lot of my mind and there has been a lot on my mind for a while now. But, what seems to be screaming the loudest at me is the relationship I have wit…

By Mkhulu Manzini, sangoma

There is a lot of my mind and there has been a lot on my mind for a while now. But, what seems to be screaming the loudest at me is the relationship I have with The Gang (My Ancestors).

I’ve somewhat avoided sharing these thoughts because they are all over the place, but I can’t help but shake the feeling that these thoughts will only release me once I’ve released them. So, here it goes.

Actively existing between two dimensions is not for the faint, weak, or doubt-hearted. Be that as it may, I often feel like I am faint, weak and doubt-hearted. I think what I’m trying to say is that it’s important for us to move away from the inclination to create a checklist of criteria that we use to judge whether or not a person is ‘worthy‘ or ‘suitable‘ enough to co-exist among both the living and the dead. And to be honest, when I say “us“ I actually mean “me“.

As a healer who is 5 years into the game, I still classify myself as a baby healer. Maybe it’s because of the Mpande (initiation school/community) that I come from, or because I feel like I still have a lot to learn. Nonetheless, the honest truth is that many of these feelings are rooted in imposter syndrome, a feeling that comes and goes depending on what’s happening in my life at that current moment. Do I feel like I’m an imposter because I fail to fully meet the criteria that I have made up in my head, or the criteria that I have allowed other healers to create for me?

I think it’s a bit of both, with an added layer of not always being able to follow through with the requests I receive from The Gang. And, please don’t hear me wrong. It’s not that I don’t believe in the work I do, or the gifts that I possess, nor is it a question of confidence or lack of knowledge. It’s more of a feeling that is rooted in disbelief that I have been entrusted with such a huge, meaningful task. I am in awe of the faith and trust that my lineages have in me. Lineages that stretch far beyond colonial times, far beyond a time where society looked the way it looks today.

I wake up from dreams that jolt me back into this dimension and leave me exhausted and emotional. I am privy to information that not even grandmother can explain. I have been given access to peoples personal challenges as a means to help facilitate the necessary healing. I am guided by codes and indigenous knowledge that is only understood by a set number of people. It’s the reality of carrying all of that while still having a human experience, because my life doesn’t start where The Gang’s life ends, nope. It exists in a parallel fashion, side by side, sometimes simultaneously working through fear, healing a trauma, and sometime even achieving a goal.

It’s easy to get lost in the work we do as healers, and as a trained and qualified Sangoma and Prophet(ess), I don’t say this lightly. Our lifepaths differ, and so our gifts and capabilities. Be that as it may, living the life of a healer quite literally takes up and rules your entire life, but it must never take away from the way we want to experience life, our lives. The Ancestors that we honour must co-exist within the lives that we deem worthy for ourselves, and it’s up to us to make this a reality.

AmaDlozi wethu lived their lives, walked this earth and died. Then chose us to carry on the work of our lineages, but they are no longer physically living on this earth, we are. Which is why I am a firm believer in the act of training our Guides just as much as they train us. How are we going to break generational curses if we insist on continuing the same habits and decisions that fuel those exact curses? It’s about choosing a better path, and asking them to help you get to your desired destination.

And what do these better paths look like? Going back to school or finishing school, is one of them. A path I meditated on and prayed for, and subsequently received. You see, when we talk of our Guides, we are in turn talking about the universe and all of our former and future selves, along with our lineages. A lineage of people that might have never gotten a chance to set foot in a place of learning, so might not support this idea - but through continuous conversation come to understand the importance of learning and knowledge acquisition of this nature.

So what am I trying to say? I’m trying to say that being a healer doesn’t only mean healing other people, it also encompasses healing thyself. You are not just a vessel, you are a chosen vessel that also deserves to live a life that entails the achievement of your own goals. Our Ancestors were once people just like us, and the work that has been bestowed upon us should not take away from the kind of relationships we have with our Guides. In fact, it is up to us to inform what those relationships look like. And like any other relationship that requires work, this one does too, probably a lot more than a usual one does.

Makwande <3